Let’s end this blogging project with an ode to lovers that left you, just like I’m leaving you guys because blogging is not my thing. Maybe one day I’ll come back, but no one knows because it only was just a dream. (Like my GPA.) Also this song is legitimately one of the best covers in the world soooo listen to that and imagine some very inspirational and long-winded post here instead of this little blurb that personifies my current motivations at the end of the semester. It’s been fun, Jaz Thomas signing off for the last time.
Honestly the fact that this post is late is kind of ironic. The future is constantly on our doorstep, and always looming over our shoulder – we can try to hold it off or hope that time will slow down just long enough to finish all your homework at the last minute, but the fact of the matter is the future waits for no man.
Time is always in flux.
And that’s not in any way a bad thing. The fact that the future is constantly upon us is probably the greatest motivation in the world – you cant know what’s next, no matter how much precise planning you put into it. So if you have a dream for the future, don’t hesitate to put it into motion this very instant. Some things undoubtedly require waiting on someone else or a certain amount of patience, but only if you make the moves to set things into motion.
My dream for the future is to spend a few decades trying to instill adolescents with an appreciation for literature that people just don’t have anymore. I want to make things like Shakespeare relevant to them so when they step foot into a college classroom, it’s not this shock factor that you’re allowed to have ideas that are different from what everyone else thinks.
You think Antonio and Sebastian from Twelfth Night are gay for each other? Excellent! Just tell me your reasoning.
Maybe you see Benvolio and Romeo as the epitome of a bromance? My dude, support your claim and hit me with everything you got.
Odysseus was a total moron who slept with two goddesses while his wife pines for him for twenty years? Lay it on me!
To set that dream for the future in motion, here I am, writing this blog post at 12:17 am so I can get the points for this blogging assignment so I can pass my creative writing class and complete my program for an Associate’s in Arts – English. I’m going to apply for transfer come August and I’m going to barrel my way through my baccalaureate program followed shortly by my credentials, then I’ll be armed with the tools to make some high schoolers love English. In the meantime, I’m working to keep my funds for school coming through where Financial Aid falls short, making friends with all my professors. Make your dreams a reality and don’t hesitate to get the ball rolling!
Sestina of Repression
For many years I thought these things I had were dreams,
Rather than moments of life I simply did not want to believe.
And I convinced myself they only occurred outside of this world.
I never stopped to wonder how else they could have become mine.
Instead I dismissed them as the strange conjuring of my subconscious.
Only now do I accept the impact they have had on my life.
How can one know what these mean to their way of life?
These strange and distant memories that were once called dreams.
Is there a way to let go of what could not be released by the subconscious?
All these memories must have been kept for some reason I believe.
So then, what shall I make of the ones that I now call mine?
And how should I reflect upon the moments that brought them into the world?
I have yet to know why my brain hid them from the conscious world.
Are not all events important to understanding the basis of one’s life?
If so, then why was it so essential they be hidden in this head of mine?
There are so many mysteries in these things I once called dreams.
For my own truth, the general consensus I have come to believe,
Is that my young, fragile mind was being protected by its subconscious.
Uncertainty encompasses that which was hidden then returned by my subconscious.
Had they remained at the foreground what impact would it have had on my world?
Or were they constant memories whose existence I preferred not to believe?
Alas, there is no way to go back and view each alternate in life,
This I can say with certainty is truly a thing that happens only in dreams.
All I can hope to understand is the path destined to be mine.
I know that somewhere others have had experiences like mine,
Where events or memories were briefly repressed by the subconscious,
And like me, they, for many years saw them as just dreams.
Yet for some others these have always been part of their world,
For them these memories were a factor integrated with life,
And those moments are something they have always had to believe.
Is it better to always know them or only later come to believe,
Or to hope that through denial I will never have to call them mine,
Even if unknowingly they have an impact on my daily life.
They have always been present, just hidden deep in my subconscious.
And regardless of my efforts they cannot be removed from the world.
These things that for many years I convinced myself were dreams.
These things of life I wish I had never been able to believe,
That can never return to dreams, these memories of mine.
Returned from the depths of the subconscious, to live loudly in my world.
At young ages we all have dreams of becoming something. Some people wish to be astronauts, musicians, chefs, fashion designers, poets, etc. The list can go on forever. However, as times progresses and we become adults our dreams change and we tell ourselves we have to think ‘realistically’. Whatever that means.
For some that means being able to make rent on the monthly basis. For others it may mean paying off student loans. Deep down inside our ‘unachievable dream’ sits and waits for us to acknowledge it once again. We get so caught up in everyday life and making a living that we forget about our passions. We forget about our hobbies and the things that makes us genuinely happy.
Why work ‘X’ amount of hours weekly and not take at least one hour to fuel your dream? For every hour you spend doing something you love you are one step closer to your dream. Why is your 9-5 more important than you personal goals and ambitions.
Being tired is not an excuse to not work towards your dream.
Every effort matters. Even if it is a new recipe your trying out, that’s a step in the direction of becoming a chef. If you write a poem in your free time, you’re a step closer to becoming the poet you wish to be.
Take the time out of your busy schedule and make time for yourself. Make time to fuel your dream. Our dreams don’t give up on us. We give up on them!
If you have never seen the movie The Little Prince, I highly recommend it. It is a cute film about a girl with a certain path laid out in life straying from it when she makes friends with her cooky next door neighbor, and the stories that he tells her about a prince he met during his aviator days. It’s one of those films where you can explain the happenings, but you can’t really explain the feelings it’s going to invoke because it’s going to be different with everyone else. But I like to think the thing you’re supposed to take from the film is never stop aiming for the things you dreamed of when you were a kid.
Not forgetting is something that is stressed very heavily in the film, but it’s more like don’t forget that innocence and ability to dream as a kid. When you’re a child, you dream the craziest things: you dream of flying through space in a regular plane, of finding a fictional little prince because it’s the only thing keeping an old man from dying, of a toy fox coming to life. As we grow up, we forget about those dreams and the harshness of reality sets in and those dreams just seem like wild fantasies. But those wild fantasies are important, and you need not forget them! They are the difference between pessimism and optimism – you can still by cynical, skeptical, but don’t you dare forget your dream, don’t you dare forget to keep dreaming.
Just don’t forget. And watch that film.
Normally I might want to write about love or my feelings but I’m mad at both of those things right now and would prefer to ignore all of that for a bit. So instead I’m just going to focus on something I have been dreaming about all day, tacos. Now it may sound like I have terrible taste in food once I tell you this, but Jack in the Box tacos are my favorite. What makes them so amazing? First off 2 tacos for 99 cents is ridiculously cheap, you cant even buy one taco for that price at Taco Bell. Secondly so many Jack in the Box’s have 24 hour drive thru so I can satisfy my 2 am crazing for food I will regret in the morning. Thirdly, that weird mystery meat mush at the bottom that is kinda greasy and a taco turn off for alot of people is strangely addictive. Its like what is this, beans? beef? space food? It is my favorite part, I always eat the top half and sides of the taco to save this part as my grand finale. The weird meaty mush is what I assume would happen if rather than trading his cow for magic beans, Jack combined his cow and the magic beans. It sounds crazy but once I start thinking of these college budget friendly tacos and their mystery mush my whole day is consumed with dreaming about these greasy pieces of digestable regret.
Bring me all of your dreams,
Bring me all your
That I may wrap them
In a blue cloud-cloth
Away from the too-rough fingers
Of the world.
The Dream Keeper – Langston Hughes